Monday, December 6, 2010

The March To A New Era

Time is ticking, ol' pro wrestling media guard, on your status quo.  The game is roughly one month from changing drastically, and all the cards are in the quite able hands of Pro Wrestling Zeitgeist.  Are we bluffing?  Only a fool would think that.  The PWZ Territorial Tour-nado 2011 has already generated excitement amongst the reading public, and that can only mean bad news for the "champions" of yesteryear's pro wresting journalism.

Viva la revolucion!

But how long until launch, you ask?  When will PWZ tear down the walls? When will we be able to sleep peacefully with the knowledge that the dawn of a new era will begin upon our awakening? When will the fearless voice that leads the Great Awakening speak its first words? When will the spirit galvanize the body of the revolution, enabling it to breathe its first breath?

The answer, for those of you looking to mark your calendars, is Monday, January 10, 2011.  Let the countdown begin.

How I happily spent my Monday, instead of finding out what happened on TNA PPV.

In the meantime, I'm continuing to prepare for my return to the game.  I recently managed to acquire the Essential Ric Flair Collection, the Essential Starrcade, and The Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior for a mere $20 total.  I have spent my evening, thus far, watching Starrcade matches and will later spend some time reading up on World Class Championship Wrestling, my first stop on the Territorial Tour-nado. I also spent this morning catching up on Pro Wrestling NOAH's Winter Navigation tour.

Notice I haven't mentioned anything about TNA's pay-per-view last night?  There's a reason for that: I had no idea TNA even had a pay-per-view event last night.  It wasn't until I stumbled upon an article claiming that Jeff Hardy showed up to the show drunk that I even realized TNA had a show last night.  I will bite my tongue on TNA, and Jeff Hardy, for right now though, for two reasons:

1. I'm not in the mood to be angry/frustrated about some promotion's (and we could have a debate about whether TNA even legally qualifies to be called a promotion...I'd rather call them what they actually are, a third rate attraction at Universal) horrifying creative direction/philosophies:

I'm sure I'll get angry hate mail from TNAndroids on this, but frankly I'd rather head to Harry Potterland and hang out with the chose, not Jeff Jarrett, but Harry Potter himself.  Hell, give me that tool Ron Weasley any day over TNA...besides, we all know J.K. Rowling is a much better booker than Russo.

I'd also rather ride both versions of the Dragon Challenge, laugh it up at Shrek 4-D, and check out what's new on the 3-D Spiderman ride before ever setting one foot in the Impact Zone to be a cast member on an alleged pro wrestling show run disastrously by the little girl of an alternative energy tycoon, who likely is causing global warming to get worse on account of the massive amounts of money he's burned/wasted by investing in the TNA product....and I haven't mentioned the Islands of Adventure yet.
J.K. Rowling is a much better booker than Vince Russo.

Why the hell would I go to TNA (where I will be told who to cheer and boo, like a member of a studio sitcom audience) to watch yet another meaningless great match between the Motor City Machine Guns and Generation Me when I can go chill at Seuss's Landing and get lost on the Lost Continent?  It's not a hard choice.  I can either watch Jeff Hardy sip from the cup of Hulkamania with his cheap imitation of the WWE Divas Championship belt, or go one on one with the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.  This is a no-brainer.  

2. I can't blow all my good material and rants on TNA before I even launch the site: 

Besides, saving the good stuff for the future will make the potential future debate with admitted TNA fan Mike Bessler that much better.

The future gimmick of Gregory fact, it's pretty much real life.

Now then, if you will kindly excuse me from the table, I have some studying to do; studying that has nothing to do with the discussion of Gregory Shane Helms' latest desperate stab at remaining relevant.  Some have wondered whether or not what Helms had to say about Shawn Michaels today is true.  I don't personally care, nor do I think it matters, because Helms lost me the moment he decided to use a non-Christian rant to accuse an alleged Christian of allegedly not being a Christian at all.

I personally think Helms is likely angry that he has to resort to signing on to his computer and wasting valuable time on the Internet producing "shows" to get anyone to notice, or for that matter care, about him at his age.  This is diametrically contrary to the case of Shawn Michaels, who was main eventing Wrestlemanias well into his 40's.  It's not as if people are chomping at the bit to get Helms to wrestle on their shows, so he has to remind everyone that he's friends with the Hardy Boys and is so unhappy that he was held back in WWE...because if Vince had handed him that ball, man, he coulda won state.  He coulda thrown that ball a quarter mile over that there mountain.

But don't worry, Uncle Rico Helms; I tend not to care too much about people who put over Paul Birchall on Tuesday nights anyway...and neither should anyone else.  That, my friends, was a VERTEBREAKER!